Tuesday, July 31, 2012

On Braving the Odds of Yesterday

Single and Loving it
Ni Hao Ma, pengyou?  As of today, I have a new hairstyle, has been studying another foreign language, has already learned the art of  putting on make-up, has been active at the gym, has a new hobby(and that is cycling) and is officially single. Crazy, right?  I know.

Several months ago, I was about to go to Australia for a bridge program.  I was this simple ER(Emergency Room) nurse who loves braiding my wavy hair.  I was too lazy to do household chores nor workout.  I didn't know how to put on make-up and learning another language was the last thing on my mind.  I was young, content and in love.  I had an ideal boyfriend, a loving family, a blossoming career, great friends and a promising future ahead.  I was happy.

Then there came complications.  My trip to Australia has been cancelled, my love life had been in chaos and before I knew it, my life was already twisted, messy and jumbled.  If you're going to ask me how these all happened, I can only leave a sigh.

I've already shed a bucket of tears, spent hundreds of hours wondering what if, listened to a number of cheesy love songs and heard a lot of derogatory statements said behind my back.  I was hurt, confused and broken.  I  lost the man who loves me more than anything else in this world and the person closest to my heart and  it seemed that no matter what I do, I was constantly being judged.

I was tagged as 'mang-iiwan,' 'hindi karapat-dapat ipagtanggol,' 'niligawan lang kasi walang nanliligaw sa akin dati,' 'isang babaeng hindi karapat-dapat balikan.'  There were a lot of stories, really and the worst of it all was when some people said that that man who will take notice of me is 'crazy and stupid to want a girl like me.'  I felt so alone, so useless and so ugly.  Never in my life had I realized that I deserved to be treated that way.  I was judged without being given some chance to uplift myself.

braving the odds of yesterday
I was really down that time.  I didn't even know what to do.  It was then that I realized that I should not let those people get the best of me.  They have no right to make false judgements about me because they weren't in my shoes.  They weren't there when I was fighting for something that wasn't working anymore.  They weren't there when I was having a hard time picking-up the broken pieces of a relationship I gave all my heart and soul into.  They didn't know how I felt when I was fighting for the man who didn't even fought for me.  They weren't there.

It was during those times when I felt the need for God.  I prayed:

'I lift everything up to you O Lord.  I know that your will is better than what I have for myself as always.  I pray for my own success, my family, my friends and the people who have hurt me in the past. I pray for my enemies and the people who persecute me.  I pray for my country and the whole wide world. Please let time heal all the broken wounds of yesterday.  Lead me, dear Lord and let my heart be whole again. In God's name, I pray. Amen'



Lovelots, 
Maica Angelle